Horror movies, we all know them and most of us love them. We are warned as kids that horror movies will scar us for life. We never believe those warnings and watch them anyway. That is my version of events at least. Needless to say, I should have listened to the warnings.
Bathrooms at night freak me out, and the urge to somersault from my bed in the dead of night instead of just getting out of bed normally are just some of those everyday things that horror movies have ruined for me. Here is a list of five everyday things that horror movies may have ruined for a few of us.
Stephen King, the godfather of horror, really screwed this one up for me. A certain terrifying scene in ‘It‘ has made it so that every trip to the bathroom seems like it may end up being your last. Clowns are scary (see point 2), but child eating clowns crawling out of shower drains is the most terrifying thing an 8-year old kid can see. Trust me on this. Late night trips to the bathrooms are now survival horror episodes. Baseball bat in one hand, a bottle of holy water in the other, a crucifix clutched in the toes (it is possible, I have tried), and constant shouts out to the demon in the drain that I am armed and dangerous. I mean, I think it is only fair that I warn them.
Clowns… I don’t need to say more, but I will. Countless horror movie screenwriters have taken upon themselves to terrify kids with demonic clowns, alien clowns, ghost clowns, pedophile clowns that bury dead bodies under the floor boards etcetera. I could go on, but I won’t. No simple trip to the circus anymore. Now Bozo the clown has become Bongo the face-eating, child butcher who is always smiling. Always.
Picture this, you are driving down a deserted road and some guy has his hazard lights on. His car has broken down on the side of the road. Your heart goes out to the guy, he is stuck and he needs help. You should stop and help him, right? Wrong! You get out your car to help him then you most probably will end up having your mouth sewed onto the end of someone’s ass making you the second link in a human centipede chain. Screw that, let him call a tow truck. They can deal with that! No more good Samaritan acts, strangers you are on your own. I don’t want my eyeballs skewered or blow-torched, thanks.
Not those kind of peepholes you pervert! The kind of peepholes you have on your front door. You know the ones that help you check who is at the front door, and also helps the killer take out your eyesight making you an easier victim. Yeah, so if you ring my doorbell I am gonna shout out “who’s there?”. I won’t be taking the bait you power-drilling maniac. I can imagine few things worse than having your eyeball drilled, actually I can… a demon clown holding a power-drill and a bunch of balloons. *shudders*
“Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary”… not going to happen. I am not talking about our favourite tomato juice and vodka cocktail, I am talking about the crazy ass bitch that is going to rip my face off after I finish saying her name three times. Let us not forget about every other monster that loves to sneak up behind us and scare the balls off you only to disappear when you turn around. Poltergeist 3, thank you for scarring me for life. Actually, thanks go to every ghost movie that thought a spirit staring at you in a mirror was a good idea… well, it was a good idea because it worked.
So, listen to the warnings that horror movies will scar you for life. But hey, being scared witless is just part of life. So, who wants to watch ‘The Conjuring’ this weekend?
Let us know in the comments which daily activities horror movies have ruined for you.
Admin wizard by day, stargazer by night, and bibliophile by choice; Hannah is an echo boomer (millennial) with a penchant for spending time seeking to prove the existence of the X-gene and figuring out how to get beamed aboard the Enterprise.